I’m bad when it comes to socializing with people…

I know, it’s been a long time since I blogged. I’ve been busy. Well nowadays, most of the time I’ll be involved in physics & coding (sometimes, I do play games). But, I always feel guilty that I don’t share most of the interesting stuff I get to know every month.

Two things happened last week. Firstly, I took a seminar. And, it’s my first time. I also spoke English (officially) for the first time – I mean, in front of a crowd.

I don’t know. My body starts resonating whenever I see a group of people staring at me – not exactly “fear to speak” in front of people. Instead, it’s an uncomfortable feeling inside that asks a lot of what-if questions like, “What if others ignore your speech?”, “What if you fail?”, “What if you get the crap out of everyone?”, “What if …” all such nonsense. Well, that explains something. In my two years of college life, I’ve spoken a lot in the internet than in the real (social) world. Okay, fear it is.

I could’ve simply opted out, no one would’ve bothered. It was a rather boring topic too. I thought my first seminar would be related to physics or coding. This is business stuff. It’s boring! Yeah, but where’s the fun in throwing it away? What’s so interesting in normal life? Moreover, I had this weird ego, that I shouldn’t let fear conquer myself. So, I decided to take the opportunity, about a week ago. From that day on, I was obsessed all the time!

I start imagining how I’d react in front of the students which triggers my resonance. I’ve got a week left. But still, I imagine myself – I simply can’t pull myself out of this obsession. That destroyed most of my productivity during the week. The only way is to get distracted by getting involved in physics or coding or gaming. And, I did. But, it was exponential. As the “seminar day” got closer & closer, I tend to get disturbed often.

Anyways, that boring topic was “Trade Union”. The topic doesn’t matter to me anyway. It’s all about how the information I gathered is gonna be shared. When I read about the topic, I somehow understood (more or less) what’s going on in our country. But, the topic does matter to the crowd. I know they’re gonna get bored if I stick to the definitions. I also know that my resonance is gonna affect my speech and I don’t wanna scare those poor fellas away. So, I could add some humor in my speech, and I could make a nice presentation so that it nullifies this resonance effect.

But, I don’t wanna use MS Office! Everyone use it all the time. I don’t like it, because life gets too simple if we use that – it’s never challenging! Just imagine how boring such a situation would be! (That’s also why I use Python instead of Excel). I don’t wanna ruin all the fun I can have otherwise. So, I decided to use the “reveal.js” framework.

HTML5/CSS/JS – they’re always fun! They’re my favorites next to Python. Moreover, this framework – I liked it right away. I’m a guy who can appreciate the aesthetic beauty of art (language, music, movie, everything!). So, when I say it’s beautiful, it’s really beeaauuutiful!!!

It had nice fonts & themes, transitions, organized slides, a “pausing” option (which was helpful, especially to get the audience’s attention back to you), etc. I didn’t put all about “Trade Union” into the presentation. Mostly, it was my perspective of the thing. I did exaggerate a little bit, because I need some way to introduce a humor. It’s a good option to consider a humor. A simple humor can recall even a dull & boring topic (regardless of whether you like it or not).

And, there’s something very important for a presentation. Slides aren’t book pages! They’re just like paragraphs in a blog post. Beauty is necessary for appreciation. If it gets bulkier, the audience are gonna avoid soon. So, I limited to 5 sentences per slide and added transitions to each sentence, so that they can concentrate on one rather than the whole horror!

And, I did it. Github is there to host my presentation. How nice…

Now, all that’s left is synchronizing. My speech should synchronize with the slides. So, I shouldn’t rely on someone to do my job of “sliding slides”. At the same time, I wanna stand in front of everyone and not holding my laptop. I decided to use my wireless mouse. But, I need some kinda application that can force mouse buttons to send key-strokes. It’s amazing that there’s an app in the internet for almost anything you want. This X-Mouse Button Control did the job.

That day was amazing. It was another challenge. I went there. I forgot most of the things I had thought, that I just spoke whatever I got in mind at that moment. I can’t ignore the resonances though. I think I did horribly. My mates told me that it was interesting. But, I can’t trust their judgement. I’m a physics student. I trust observations, not biased “human words”. I wish I’d have asked someone to videotape it. Well, it was a nice experience indeed…

The next one was somewhat less challenging. A few days later, I got to meet a senior colleague of mine. In my opinion, it’s a waste of time for both of us, but some exceptions can be made if it’s a rare happening. He’s a research scholar at the institute where I’m thinking of going in about a year.

That day, we figured out something. All these days, I had thought of writing the entrance exam for getting into the physics department in that institute. I hadn’t ever thought of what I’m gonna do exactly. A confusion arises. On the inquiry, we find that the exam demands a BE degree, but the course demands a BS degree. How nice. The question is, “Could an engineer apply for a physics career in IIT?”

I requested him to look for an answer in the physics department. Because, (all these days) I thought that an outsider couldn’t meet a faculty member. He’s an insider, so he’s got privileges (I thought). He calls me the next day. I go there (to waste my day) again. We were unlucky to be in the department during noon break. No one was around (except a few students, who started caterwauling when they heard about the question. They talked as if I’m being crazy) except a professor who admitted that he doesn’t know about the “admissions” thing.

My companion leaves me, says that he’s gonna come back after the break and then, we can approach the faculty. I stand there, alone – thinking about what I’m gonna do. Because, this is my path-deciding question. I know that I’m gonna spend my lifetime enjoying the fun in physics. Well, I don’t have any new ideas or theories. I’m just curious about nature, I simply wanna learn more about it.

I figured out that physics, coding & gaming are much more interesting than dull classes in our college, friends, parties, boring movies which have fan clubs, literally .

But, is my career gonna be related to physics? If it’s not, then I’ve got no other option – I’ve gotta pursue coding. It’s gonna lead me somewhere nice, where I can use my brain, think creatively.

Anyways, I’m curious about the result. I’m getting impatient as time passes by. Now, I also know something about my companion. His return time is about twice the actual time that comes out of his mouth. He said that he’ll be back in 30 minutes, which is gonna get dilated to an hour. So, I quit the pussyfooting and simply went to the office. Had to speak English officially (for the second time)… Resonance time!

Yeah, I shook a lot. I should appreciate the fellow’s patience though. He listened and inquired why my field got changed. I don’t wanna start a lesson about “I didn’t wanna memorize”. I simply said that I got interested in Physics. He said that “Solid State physics” is the only available course for such MS pursuers like myself. When I was about to leave, he asked me to speak to the Head of the Department, said that it was worth a shot. I got shocked!

In our college, they don’t even allow outsiders to come in, let alone talk to the faculty. And worse, even if they come in (using appointments), our HOD will make them wait for a few hours at least (I say that because, that happens to us – the students, let alone the outsiders). I don’t especially like that kind of “showing off”. This institute attracts me more & more. So, HOD, huh? More resonance!

I shook a lot now (more entropy!). He was relatively more patient. He said, “I have a meeting right now, so could you make it quick?” and stood up. He listened to my chaotic speech and finally said, “So, the bottom-line is… [my question] “. I sighed, “Yeah”. He told that I could do a PhD in physics if I get through the entrance exam and he left. I got the second shock. I liked those people, how much they’re civilized compared to most of the “abominations” we have in our college! I wish I’d be there, at least for an experience…

Now, I’m in confusion again! Really? A PhD? It’s been only about a year since I started learning physics. I don’t think I’ve even covered an infinitesimal amount (even though I learned something everyday). I thought I could learn. For now, with my poor knowledge, I don’t think I’ll consider doing a PhD. Maybe next year, (if I feel like doing that), I’ll apply for that.

Well, who knows? I always believe in one thing. A chance! Nature depends on it. We depend on it. And, that’s what we do in physics. All we do is talk about the odds of an event’s occurrence at a certain position in space & time. In my opinion, that’s much more fun than exactly predicting what’s going on. You may think that’s crazy. But, do believe me when I tell you, the odds – they’re the reason why you can read this now! (Electronics came out of these odds!)

Now, what are the odds that I don’t get involved in race-walking next year?


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